Introduction

What we owe the dying:-I have cared for many animals, birds and humans at the end of their lives and I have made many mistakes along the way. This article reflects on some of my experiences and thoughts on this most sensitive of subjects.

What is Compassion?

Definition from the Merriam-Webster Dictionary:

Sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it.

Deficit of Compassion

I have been into too many old people’s homes and too many animal shelters to know that there is a deficit of compassion within the world. Too often, when people or animals reach the end of their lives, rather than being appreciated, valued and afforded dignity. They are treated as a burden and made to feel as though they are a burden.

Decades of mind control mainly via entertainment, has in the West at least, produced a society where compassion and kindness are marginalized and made to seem inconsequential. Hence its ‘normal’ to put parents into an old people’s home, whether they like it or not. Far from being seen as unkind, ‘everyone’ does it. This leads on easily to the next stage and the need to get the dying person’s process over and done with as quickly and cleanly as possible. Compassion is then thrown out to be replaced by expediency.

Who Deserves Compassion?

Doesn’t every living thing deserve compassion? The Earth is a hard place to live, there is so much pain, disappointment, grief and suffering to be experienced here. Compassion is something freely given. Especially to a suffering creature and especially at the end of life. Life is precious in all its forms, not just for its monetary value but for the very fact of life itself. Compassion is needed throughout all of life’s stages; whether at birth, during growth, throughout maturity and when facing the end of life.

What We Owe The Dying – Compassion

When you feel for what the dying person is undergoing and want to do something to alleviate their suffering, that is being compassionate. Compassion for their weakened and dependent state, compassion for their pain, compassion for their doubts and compassion for their fears.

To be surrounded and supported by compassionate people as you die, must surely be of great comfort. Compassionate people helping you physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually as you take your final journey. As you face the inevitability of moving into the great unknown.

What is Dignity?

Here is a definition of the word Dignity from globaldignity.org

Dignity is a feeling in your core. A belief in your own
worth. A belief in the worth of others.

A Definition from Merriam-Webster Dictionary

The quality or state of being worthy, honored, or esteemed.

What We Owe The Dying – Dignity

When I fist started writing this article I was thinking of dying as being a messy and basically undignified process. I was thinking along the lines of the importance of trying to make it as dignified a process as possible. As I write this I understand more, the importance of treating a dying person in a way that affords them dignity. Shows them that they matter, that their thoughts, feelings and comfort are important to you.

For an overly basic example – not tossing the dying person into bed like a sack of potatoes, but treating their body with care, concern and respect. Also, speaking well of the dying in their presence and speaking positive words of gratitude, blessing and love. Even if the dying person seems not to be conscious of what you are saying and doing. Your respectful words, thoughts, feelings and actions will be experienced by them at some level.

Dignity After Death – A Memory

I recall the two nurses who came to my care for my Mother after she had died. They spoke to her with love and concern even though she was no longer there. They treated her lifeless body with extreme tenderness and care. They treated her with dignity.

Difficult Family Dynamics at the End of Life

Family dynamics are complicated and not always pleasant. The dying person, may have treated you badly at some point during your life. You may harbor resentment towards them. At the end of their life while they are weak and unable to defend themselves. You have the perfect opportunity to get your own back and treat them with the lack of dignity you feel they deserve.

Is this wise? Will it make you feel better? Will it heal the hurt you suffered? Would you perhaps do better to treat them with the dignity they were incapable of offering you?

An End of Life Memory

All my life I had fought not to be controlled by my Father. Towards the end of his life I was the one in control. It made me sad both to see him dependent on me and sad that we had spent all that time at loggerheads. At the end of the day it really did not matter. Death teaches that.

Experience of Dignity of a Dying Cat

There was a 20 year old dying cat whose person had to go away and I was left looking after him. He chose where he wanted to lie and then when he could no longer control his bladder he stayed on the dirt tray all the while. Then he moved in front of the stove for the final part of his journey. He was very still and quiet lying there in that warm place for several days, until he gently slipped away from his body. In my opinion that was a dignified process,

Leaving the Physical Body

There is a process to leaving the Earthly life behind and it consists of more than just exiting the body. The process is one of letting go on all levels. It can be seen as a profound and deeply meaningful experience. Or it can be viewed as something unpleasant, that needs to be got over and done with, as speedily and clinically as possible.

End of Life Care

In my opinion, it is the greatest honor to give end of life care. To support a person or animal in every way as they prepare to leave their physical body. Whether or not there is a life after death, caring for the dying is important for the living. Taking away any other consideration – the person giving the end of life care will one day be needing end of life care themselves.

Why Give End of Life Care?

When you are called on to give end of life care. It is usually for a parent, member of the family – human or animal, or close friend. If the person is a parent, at the very least, end of life care is a way of repaying them, in a practical and meaningful way. They once changed your diapers and you now change theirs for example.

To help a member of your family or close friend cross over is a great act of love, companionship and true friendship. To give end of life care to an animal who has delighted you throughout its life, is a way to say a huge ‘thank you’ for the wonderful days you had together.

A Memory of Caring Sisters

I remember two Irish sisters who had cared for their Mother, who has MS, since she was 40 and she was in her 80’s when she died. Rather than saying the usual; – ‘oh she lived a good long life’ – they said; ‘she was more and more precious the older she got’.

What We Owe The Dying in Practical Support

• Physically keeping the dying person or animal clean, well fed (until they stop wanting to eat/drink) and comfortable.
• Situating them somewhere they want to be. Preferably at home not in some impersonal institution.
• Being present for the person or animal, being there when they need you.
• Listening to their needs, or if they cannot talk, understanding their needs from
  gestures and body language or your intuition.
• Giving the dying person or animal as much control over the process as possible.

Animal Communication and Dying Animals

I am blessed to have a sister who is a talented Animal Communicator. We sometimes work together giving healing and communicating to dying animals. She is able to talk to a dying animal and find out how it is feeling, what it needs, if it has any messages, whether it wants to be euthanized and if yes, when.

She is also able talk to the animal once it has crossed over to the other side too. I cannot adequately describe just how supportive and affirming all this is. I used to be devastated when an animal died, Now when the animal has communicated its needs to me, it is not so terrible. Most importantly still, I find out how the animal is getting on in their new life and from all reports its something to be looked forward to.

Terminal Illness Support – Emotional Support That We Owe The Dying

Often the end of life is a time when people confront their own mortality as they remember and revisit what they have done with their lives. There may be things they need to say, things that need to come to light, self forgiveness and forgiveness of others, blessings and farewells.

Offering a listening ear (even when the dying person repeats things over and over again). Means that the person is heard, understood and perhaps if necessary forgiven.

At What Point Do You Stop Trying To Heal Someone To Live Longer and Support Their Journey to The End of Their Life?

People and animals can and do sometimes recover when they have seemed to be on the point of dying. To have ended their lives, would have been to deprive them of life too early. On the other hand, sometimes people and animals have long drawn out and panful ends to their lives. The onlooker might wish the suffering and lingering life could be ended.

Assisted Suicide

Now that assisted suicide is more commonplace worldwide it is even more important to consider these things deeply. What actually are ethical dying practices?

As there are many people in the world and in positions of power, who lack compassion. How can it be assured that the very best course of action can be taken for the dying person or animal?

While every effort needs to made to keep the person or animal as comfortable and happy as possible. It is important too, that every avenue to healing has been exhausted, before taking the step to terminate life.

The dying person needs to be treated with dignity, as though their decision matters, not just the decision of the people around them. In a weakened state it is easy to agree to something especially if pressure is applied.

As I write this I realize that to many life is not precious and that to many, some lives are more precious than others.

Memory of Hospital Euthanasia

I remember so clearly how ready the hospital staff were to take my Mother off life support and put her in a bare little side room to die. I saw other people in these side rooms all alone. It looked grim. I sat by her for hours after this had been decided and gradually her vital signs improved on the monitors and she said to me ‘I might get better’. I put up a big fight for her and managed to get her back home where she could be cared for by the people who loved her. She passed over about 3 months later.

Dying in War

I haven’t touched on dying on the battlefield in this article. It is something beyond my experience but I can imagine it – something that has happened to countless people throughout history. Dying alone in agony for a country or a belief, at the peak of physical prowess, with years ahead to live. Or the countless women and children dying today as bombs fall.

Where is the dignity and compassion being afforded these people?

What You Give To Others You Give To Yourself

I know from my own experience working with energy, that everyone and everything is connected. Each person’s energy is connected to the energy of everyone else. When you think badly of someone that person takes your thoughts into themselves. Your thoughts and feelings affect them, even though their awareness of it may be subconscious.

When you are compassionate to someone else, you are being compassionate to yourself. When you love yourself, you love others. When you afford another Dignity you are affirming your own Dignity. The wise thing to do in every situation, is to give what you would wish to receive.

What We Owe The Dying – Conclusion

If you have reached the end of this long and rambling article! Thank you for staying with me.

As hard as it can be to be dying and surrounded by loving, caring people. For someone with no spiritual belief, it may be even harder to face dying and especially if alone and unloved. There is no pretense left, when facing death.

People at the end of their lives need more love and compassion than ever. The dying need to feel valued and that their life has meaning. As they leave this life for wherever they are going next, the dying need to know that their life and death matter to someone. That they are cherished and that they will be missed.